Overcoming People Pleasing and Living Authentically
No matter how hard you try to be everyone's cup of tea, there will always be people who prefer coffee.
Say it with me: It’s impossible to please everyone.
If that statement scares you, you’re not alone. The fear of rejection is a completely normal and valid emotion. As a species, we are hardwired for connection—early humans relied on being part of a group for survival, and being alone was literally a matter of life or death.
Luckily, we have evolved as a species. We don’t have to worry about being eaten by an animal if we wander away from our group—but we do still need connection with others in order to thrive. This is why authenticity and relationships are so intertwined: meaningful connection comes from showing up as your true self.
In many cases, though, the fear of rejection causes us to mold ourselves into what we think will be “accepted” by others in order to gain approval—even if that means betraying our true selves in the process. I’ve had my own personal experience with this.
As a recovering people pleaser, I’ve had the tendency to adapt myself to situations to gain approval. I was reminded time and time again that it’s utterly impossible to please everyone, but damned if I didn’t keep trying. This struggle is exactly why learning how to stop being a people pleaser is such an important step in living authentically.
But there came a time when I realized that not only was this process exhausting, but any efforts to adapt to situations to please everyone were futile—there’s always going to be someone who doesn’t want what you’re offering. This realization was scary, but also liberating, because it gave me permission to embrace my authentic self rather than try to fit into a mold I was never meant to fill.
While this shift came with some growing pains and letting go of some relationships and old habits, what resulted was far more meaningful: deeper, more authentic relationships, a stronger sense of purpose, and a peace I hadn’t felt for most of my life. Choosing to be true to yourself opens space for this kind of freedom.
Overcoming people pleasing isn’t just about saying “no” more often. It’s about cultivating self-awareness in relationships, recognizing when you’re giving your power away, and learning to align your actions with your values instead of others’ expectations. Stop trying to please everyone and instead focus on showing up as your full, authentic self—your energy, your voice, and your presence matter.
People pleasing serves no one. Not only does it deny you the opportunity to feel the freedom that comes with living authentically, but it also denies the world the chance to see your true self and all you have to offer.
So, keep doing you, my friend. Embrace your authentic self, trust the process, and remember that the right people will appreciate you exactly as you are. You got this. xo